You fall in love and in the midst of all of it; you end up losing who you are. I am sure we have all experienced this, be it first hand or seen a friend go through something similar.
More often than not, you become somebody you can’t recognize, you are prioritizing someone else’s happiness over your own, and you sacrifice who you are to fit what you think the other person needs.
It happened to me and then I thought it was only normal to make sacrifices for the one you love. After all, isn’t that what love is about, giving your all to the other person.
So I stopped seeing my friends because my life and schedule revolved around this person. I became a shell of the person I was before. I lost my values and did things I never would have if it wasn’t for this person, I lost my goals and dreams and tried to get new ones that aligned with his dreams and goals.
My life revolved around this person and when I lost him, I didn’t know what to do; I spent a whole week in bed wondering what I should do with my life. I hadn’t talked to my friends in months, I couldn’t recognize myself. It had been love, but it turned toxic because I ended up losing myself.
It took a while but I put myself together and realized that I don’t need someone to make me whole, I was finally able to see that love shouldn’t strip you of who you are.
What I learned was never give up who you are for someone, don’t lose your values, don’t give up your dreams, because what happens when this person leaves?
Sadly, we live in a generation where we think love is all about making sacrifices for the other person. We accept struggle love because we want to be a ‘ride or die’
So how do you avoid losing yourself to love?
1. Remember your goals
Yes your goals are not permanent and after a while, they may change, however, this doesn’t mean that you should completely give up your dreams in order to be with someone.
Don’t completely throw away your goals for the sake of someone else.
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2. Have your own hobbies
While it’s good that the two of you have a lot in common and enjoy doing similar things, you need to have hobbies that you enjoy on your own.
It is completely fine if you don’t have the same hobbies, in fact, it’s healthy to have separate interests where some aspects of your lives are independent.
3. Have your own friends
It’s very important to ensure you don’t completely lose your friends just because you are in a relationship. Don’t limit your social life to just your partner.
4. Stay true to yourself
So not change who you are for someone else. You don’t have to pretend you enjoy hiking just because your significant other does; don’t pretend to enjoy football when you could care less.
Ensure you don’t change who you are completely to fit what you think the other person wants. Have honest conversations about what you like and don’t. If anything it is healthy to have some aspects of your lives separate.
Keep in mind that you should not feel like you need someone to complete you, they can compliment you but you shouldn’t want to be in a relationship just so you can feel whole.
You have to ensure that you love yourself first before you can love someone else; this is what will create healthy relationships. You shouldn’t love someone else more than you love yourself.
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